thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I had to cum in my sink.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
