Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
