Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
whose ass print is on the piano?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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