I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
