I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
