Her vagina should come with caution tape.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
