he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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