just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
