took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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