It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
