We got so high we made milksteak
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
