At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
