I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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