Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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