I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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