I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize