Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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