she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
