Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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