i just wanna soil my oats bro
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
