Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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