I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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