I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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