I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
