Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
