Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
