Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
