I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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