____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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