I wanna bring you to show and tell
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
