i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
