Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
