There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
