I feel like abortions should bother me more
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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