awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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