just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
