I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we have officially lost it.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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