Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
