I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
