im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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