So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
