We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
