I think im going to throw up on grandma
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
