i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
