I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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