All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
