You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
