4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
