Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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