Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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