There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
