Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
