All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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