I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
