Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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