i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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