I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
