You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
