happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize