Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
