my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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