I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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